Seraphin's Choice

2009-01-24T02:40:00.000+08:00

FOR JKKKKKKK and My Job~!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something

Facing towards the heavens
I fell into a pitch black
I'm moments from landing and I'm shaking like a heart attack

Is there time, can I turn back
I've made mistakes in the past
Need a chance, can't say goodbye
Wish I could set things right tonight

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life's not about me

All I know spins out of control
Wonder what's next for a hardened soul
Nothing I earned can save me now
Here in what may be my final hour

Is there time, can I turn back
I've made mistakes, well, in the past
Need a chance, can't say goodbye
Wish I could set things right tonight

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life's not about me

Don't wanna leave this world knowing I breathed in vain
Looked out for myself, so sorry, so ashamed
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried
To chase down all my dreams that I hid away on the inside

Live, I wanna live on fire
Die, I wanna burn out brighter
Brighter than the Northern lights
Wanna live to feel the daylight
The more I live I see this life's not about me

2009-01-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

*Sighs*

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the moon just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

and I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

2009-01-07T23:57:00.004+08:00

Gone Gone Gone

Time creeps and goes like the shadows in the night that keep haunting you while you contemplate on what goes on in the distant future. Blight upon those cursed memories that bind you to the very ground that doesn't allow you to keep your sanity in check which just blurts the person you really are. Denial of a could be always ends in a spiraling of regrets that hurt me right to the bone. Morning falls like rain, into the city life, there goes another night. Losing my breath in waves, Knowing that every crash, is bleeding the hour glass.These Hard times..Shessh

Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz Featuring James Morrison

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell no reason go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

2009-01-04T01:57:00.002+08:00

Where Will The Kite Go?

Just got back from this amazing place called love the world soul rock which is a bistro and bar that plays Christian or rather God related music which is really really good...located at the singapore flyer it aims to attract people to listen to music related to god. Musicians and singers there are amazing. They bring in the inspiration that has definetely pushed me to tell myself to improve...there are many songs that people need to hear that speaks about life, love and faith which i want to bring across one day to the hearts of those starving for truth and justice and not some facade that we all keep dwelling in the shadows..whether it really happens i dunno... but I really want to give my all to JK... with my current job swinging in. Dreams and Job are conflicting i gotta find a solution soon.

GOD HELPLES ME~!!!!!!!!!

the Bar and Bistro Website (go check it out): http://lovetheworldsoulrock.com/index.html

Let this song express how i feel....BONO FTW

Kite by U2

Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

I want you to know
That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone
Or anything at all

Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, which way the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around?
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It's summer, I can taste the salt of the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me...

I'm a man, I'm not a child...
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, where the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around?
I don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it?
Not so much I couldn't taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement

The last of the rock stars
When hip hop drove the big cars
In the time when new media
Was the big idea

That was the big idea

2009-01-01T03:27:00.004+08:00

So Long So Long Year 2008

First of All...Welcome 2009...Exciting Year I Believe...

Not Been Blogging for a Year but decided to continue Blogging again..Christmas Has just Passed...
It was Great Seeing everyone..Faces You have not seen in a year and really miss and wish to hang out but knowing that each will go its own way in less than a few hours..

Ushering the new year is gonna be a challenge for me..These are Things I need to Look for AKA Resolutions...

1. My Job At Prudential/Civil Defence
This is a very scary feeling to lose my freedom and my life to the life of working but i will look forward and be positive bout this aspect as there is no turning back. Need Prayers and of course if u are free to meet me please do. Civil Defence has claimed my freedom starting from the 7th of April for those who don't know yet. I would try my best to slack and give my dilligence to not doing anything.Yes that'll be FUN~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. My Weight
This might be a common issue for everyone. Everyone seems to be so concerned about it, so i am definetely affected. Everyone I meet has been calling me FAT...YES I AM FAT....hahaz...I am Determined to lose at least 10kg if not i will Treat all my close friends dinner at a nice place...so its a do or die thing.

3.My Character
This Would be the hardest, Firstly, I must NOT be LAZY or LATE. This has always been a problem for me and I would like to change it very much. I have always been labeled unintelligent and useless and untidy by my dear peers and I would like to change that opinion because i am sick of being butt of their jokes. Been going on for like forever so I hope there's an end to this.

4. My Pocket
POCKET?! I need money...who doesn't... I need to do many things like learn driving and get a new com and lappy....sth essential

5.CENSORED

I NEED A CENSORED....21 years old with no one to love....yes i am deprived and a noob so god please send an angel in disguise as lonely boy(refered to as a BEAST) needs some attention...

Yes that'll be all for year 2009

Just came back home from new year celebrations with Josh, Eman and Freda...4 singles on a lonely new year...life's a doggles....Slowly it fades through the years on how many people actually celebrated new years..

Times when I was at Jon Desker place...with all of Genesis people was like 20 people or more...Damn,~!!!!!!!! those were fun times...I guess Cruel Things happen and i just think that i'll fade from people's memories soon.

Hi...Are U listening? cuz no one ever does listen....

SO YEAH HAPPY SHAHRAZ NEW YEAR DINKLETS

So Long, So Long - Dashboard Confessional

Hand out the window
Floating on air
Just a flip of the wrist and I'm waving you goodbye

Drive past the lifeguard stand
Where I sit around
Waiting for you to remember

As I drive...

How the girls
Can turn to ghosts before your eyes
And the very dreams that led to them
Are keeping them from dying
And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps
Pace with you a while

For so long, so long x2

The speaker in this door is blown
So nothing sounds quite right

Taking my time taking this drive
waving this town, goodbye

And I drive this ocean road
And remember

The small of your back,
nape of your neck

I remember everything
as I drive, I'm waving this town goodbye

How the girls
Can turn to ghosts before your eyes
And the very dreams that led to them
Are keeping them from dying
And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps
And pace with you a while
So long, so long

(Interlude of da da dum…)

And I will leave under the cover
Of summer’s kiss upon the sky
Like the stone face of your lover
Just before she says goodbye

I was certain that the season
Could be held between my arms
But just as summer’s hold is fleeting
I was here but now I’m gone (so long, so long)
I’m gone (so long, so long)

I'm gone, I'm gone x5 ( so long, so long...)

(interlude of da da dum…)

2007-12-25T14:15:00.000+08:00

MAD SEASON

Harlo everybody....its Christmas....ITS THE MAD SEASON TO BE IN......BEEN A MAD SEASON...so everyone enjoy our birth of Our Saviour....Jesus My Saviour who was born to die..its his b'day...he has come around in this mad season..

Mad Season by Matchbox 20

I feel stupid - but I know it wont last for long
Ive been guessing - I coulda been guessin wrong
You dont know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down

I feel stupid but its something that comes and goes
Ive been changin - think its funny how now one knows
We dont talk about - the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - youd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season

I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin on
I feel ugly - but I know I still turn you on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
You need to be together now - I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season

Now Im cryin - isnt that what you want
Im tryin to live my life on my own
But I wont
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do i, i, I feel stupid
And I came undone
And I came undone

I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken

I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im a child and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season

In this mad season
Theres been a mad season
Been a mad season

Mad enough?....

2007-12-11T12:37:00.001+08:00

Surely we can change the World

Just came back from YISS...the experience was good as usual... brought me to my knees in awe of wad my saviour can do...brought to me wad i should be doin now at this crossroads of my life.. a new calling.. a new life-changing call...it was always in line with all the purpose he have for me all along...moulded me to take up this new role... for what the new role is...it will be a secret till u ask me...hahahz.. well YISS helped me realise how foolish and stupid i have been in holding grudges and feeling victimised by the insanity of my own desctructive mind...learn to let go a lot...still under construction though...still got a lot to clean up but ever ready to be a better man...someone more visible as a person...not a normal person but an extraordinary person in Christ...i must have done a lot of bad things to deserve God's attention...hahahz...but yeah to those who feel offended by me...i am truly sorry for whatever i did...u dun have to change ur attitude towards me but i will towards you...these kind of things need a long adjustment..LOL....

They say that nothing is lost till its gone...and with the loss comes a new beginning... moving on is just a new thing for me...to be a person worthy to match up to someone,both people and I feel is worthy becoming...Becomin a better person everyday....Thanks for Everything God and you My people.... what can i be now without you here with me... Truly been blessed...and dun think i will leave my Joker side behind...NO I TELL UUUUUUUUUUUUU...... hahaz....
signing off with this song in my mind...mayb u could sing it with me....

Surely we can change by David Crowder Band

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh, surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change

Wad About U?...........

2007-12-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

Something's Missing

It's a few more hours before goin into YISS for decemeber...and i not sure whether i am ready for it...feelin a bit spiritually dry after all the things that have happened recently...but was listening to a song called needful hands by jars of clay and it really inspired me...

You are my eyes when I cannot see
You are my voice, see, sing through me
You are my strength in weakness be

It kinda answered my prayer on how ready i would be....well Jesus said that he will take all our brokenness and make it new so hope durin the camp..may i be renewed...may it be a 4 day retreat for me away from the obvious subterfuge peers...

Yeah...i will be in camp the next few days till the 9th so i will be missing and of cuz missing all in my heart...LOLz...i sound sissfied...HAHAz....

Something's Gone and is lingerin in the abyss of my soul....

Something's missing by John Mayer

I'm not alone, I wish I was
'Cause then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
To love me like they do right now
They do right now

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
At all

When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart*

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test for loneliness
For loneliness like this

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Something's different
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Friends - check
Money - check
Well-slept - check
Opposite sex - check
Guitar - check
Microphone - check
Messages waiting on me when I come home - check

How come everything I think I need
Always comes with batteries?
What do you think it means?
How come everything I think I need...

Get it?????????

2007-12-03T11:22:00.000+08:00

Shade Of Shades

Shade of Shades...hurr...wad's that? i oso not sure....too bored this days...it gettin stagnant in the things i do every week.... feeling a false sense of alexithymia on the go...

I want to break every clock.
the hands of time could never move again.
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.
Is it over now hey, hey is it over now?

Was it inevitable?Time passes by so fast....its already almost 1 year of fun, joy, pain and suffering...looking forward to Christmas and a new Year is born and praying that i grow more wiser as a person...

Desperation falls when there isn't a salvation...God lift me up...Turn me into something more beautiful than the past....a life hidden under glass...calls for a attitude change...changing walls of age... waiting in silence to find my existence and breathe of life....

Confused more and more each day...I'm Hangin on another day...just to see wad u might throw my way...and i'm hangin on the words u say...u said that i'll be ok....from the song broken by lifehouse...seems so ever true my call to God...

hahaz...this most post might seem totally random but well just showing wad's in my head these few days...ok too long a post for kj...signin off

Dismantle Repair Lyrics by Anberlin

one last glance from a taxi cab
images scar my mind
four weeks felt like years
since your full attention was all mine
the night was young and so were we
talked about life, God, death, and your family
didn't want any promises
just my undivided honesty

and so,
oh, oh, things are gonna change now for the better
oh, oh, things are gonna change oh they're gonna change

I am the patron saint of lost causes
a fraction of who I once believed (change)
only a matter of time
opinions I will try and rewrite
if life had background music,
playing your song,
I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you
but the orchestra plays on,

and they sang,
oh, oh, things are gonna change now for the better
oh, oh, things are gonna change

[Chorus 2x:]
hands like secrets are the hardest thing to keep from you
lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through
dismantle me down, (repair) you dismantle me, you dismantle me

give me time to prove
to prove I want the rest of yours (prelude)
call this a prelude to a lifetime of you,
it's not that I hang on every word,
I hang myself on what you mean,
its not that I keep hanging on,
I'm never letting go,

[Chorus 2x]

[Bridge:]
save me from myself
save me from myself
heyy
save me from myself
save me from myself

oh, oh, things are gonna change now for the better
oh, oh, things are gonna change

[Chorus 4x]

Hooooooooo....I hope i am being repaired soon....too faulty just like my spoilt laptop

2007-11-28T11:15:00.000+08:00

Silence

HELLO MY FRIENDS,

welcome to my dead blog which was finally updated i think....YISS is in 1 more week and 1 more day....gettin geared up to make sure god moves in me to touch lives....

there's a feeling....

Fly by Jars Of Clay

be still let your hand melt into mine

the part of me that breathes when you breathe is losing time

i can't find the words to say

i'll never say goodbye

and i'll fly with you through the night

so you know i'm not letting go

i'm not letting go

my tears like rain fill up the sky

oh, my love, i'm not letting go

i won't let you go

i saw the host of silent angels waiting on their own

knowing that all the promises of faith

come alive when you see home

hold still and let your hand melt into mine

and i'll fly with you through the night
so you know i'm not letting go
i'm not letting go
my tears like rain fill up the sky
oh, my love, i'm not letting go
i won't let you go

shed your heart and your breath and your pain and fly
now you're alive

now you're alive

now you're alive
i won't let you go

i'm not letting go

i won't let you go

i'm not letting go

i won't let you go

I wish......

2007-09-28T01:44:00.000+08:00

TrustFund Bank

Trust is a small word with many edges...some sharp some blunt...But what is Trust? Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. is the definition...To me ..Trust is one of my most important values i uphold in life and feel that this world needs more trust in things that we do whether its business or even someone else's personal life...

Recently...VERY recently... i have tasted the 2 sides of trust...for the blunt side i was poked slightly but for the sharped edges i definetely was pierced through and through... for the blunt side... I got to know someone whom i found that i can trust my personal lifestories with and that there is a certain deep level of trust that cannot be bought with money.. and this feeling is known to have been sealed with assurance that it will never be out.. thanx for being trustworthy...u know who u are... on the other hand i have been pierced deeply by another whom i loved a lot...someone who i looked up to...someone whom i may have revered as the best of human kind...someone as a tower of strength, refuge... and this was wad happened... AS someone whom i loved above a lot of people...i told him something that i found was only by right he should know.. and cuz he was that trustworthy...upon tellin him...everything was alright till disaster struck...with his doppleganger if that would fool me...he had to make a harsh comment in front of my other friends.. this brought a sudden neurotical detachment to my head and at the same time brought me to question how fragile trust can be...could this be the end of our friendship? then i took a step back and realise that no it is not...in fact it maybe a time where each of us get to know our boundaries and our stands...mayb i have hidden my opinions somewhere in my chassis of secrets but yeah it is time for me to stand for what i believe in...YOU know who u are...i do not agree with your methods of "HELPIN " me so thanx a lot..you have made me understand trust is something so important that i may have almost forgotten since i always took it for granted....

Brings me to the teaching of the day for myself...how could Jesus deal with betrayal to his death...millions...mayb billions cry out to betray him... how did he deal with this misplaced trust he had on people...he told his daddy...THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY DO? and died...Praise to Him on the highest throne he now stands...How often can we be like him...for me..this is a chance on how i can try to lead a christian life...forgive wad is done but somehow remember it for life... its funny how we can never let go of something until god lifts it up for you...Still lingerin in the presence of the lord...so anyone out there who has trust issues...embrace the double edged sword with God.

In my Silence and amazement (and probably still in anger)...i turn my eyes to our Saviour... singin
Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

This Post is dedicated to someone who forced me to update so here u have it...lolz

2007-09-10T00:24:00.000+08:00

CHOSEN

(plz enlarge to see everyone i love for this camp)..if u dunno how just click on the picture

Chosen i was for this St Joesph Church(bukit timah) camp...Cheerios to the camp..May God continue to bless their ministry until cannot stop lolz...

I was Lazy to go for this camp initially...lookin for my stay at home rather than in camp...cuz i felt so burdened with all my sins and my low spirituality..I was devastated by my ministry failing and my life failing apart..i felt that going for this camp would hurt the participants due to my attitude..I have been Spiritually down for a few months..found i was missin something that needed to be solved and was blocking me from god and a lot of problems within myself as mentioned in the earlier posts...I was so tempted to give up and just let it be..But i decided to give my all as i tot of thoughts in how live changin i could help people who wanted to know god...how could i deprive them of it..so took my lazy feet to go for the camp...And Boy was I wrong when i said i wanted to stay at home cuz god proved me wrong..it was just a start of my Magnificent Journey.....

Went for the 1st day Met my wonderful 7 confirmands...they couldn't be more perfect to me in teachin me wad i was missin... the 1st day i got to know each and everyone of them...surprisin one was from St pats and the other was my friends close friend....Kudos to u both...God chose u to be near me... The 1st day was about Games and the last part was bout surrendering to god and reconciliation..got asked to act for a session play...when i was there acting...bein the funny man as always people laughed at how i acted...but i learn something in the process...i was carrying these burdens in real life...sin..guilt...loneliness...pride all the many more burdens and to me Jesus was tellin me what i was carryin...thanx Antonia for inviting me to act cuz i wouldn't have realized it without this play...next was reconciliation or rather confession...i boldly went to confess all my major sins like lust and esp not persevering in my ministry...the priest did it very slip shot cuz of time constraint but i believed that god had taken it away and that ended my 1st night with my participant who taught me how funny eating could be...with all the jokes they come out with and me adding on...we had a heaven of time tryin to concentrate eating food every meal...Thanx Jerome my Goliath of jokes.... and the rest of my group for bein so Participative...

The 2nd day camp and breakfast was always funny as usual...our group just had to be the noisiest at all meals again..its not my fault u all know that right?...the next day got Freddy's session bout acceptin Jesus as Lord and Saviour...He asked for volunteer for guitar playin as he needed some background music...so i took up the challenge and played...I suck at guitar but not at singing though...LOLZ...i gave up cuz i knew i cannot make it...but God proved me wrong again...with just a simple few chords pluckin...i ministered people to god...cuz i found out from one confirmand..miss Denise Watt...the unique cry girl that my music moved her...and in return it moved me how my uselessness made me useful...and i knew God was tellin me a message...At this moment faith has returned to the hands of me again...i knew god moved and breathed on me..i could feel him i was on fire... On fire when he's near me..On fire when he speak...That afternoon was healin..and when i went for spiritual prep..i felt him there...speakin his prophetic messages out..which i knew god was filling my emptiness bit by bit...healin was good for my participants...All ice was broken by then...all of them knew god and loved god...PRAISE THE LORD (PTL).. and that ended the night again

3rd day and last day...All woke up..breakfast as usual...noisiest as usual...then came outpourin...felt him much stronger now...felt like faith could do anything now...then started ministerin...and i decided to test god on how far faith can bring me...went up to a guy said some stuff...mustered courage and instantly spoke to ask him to fall in the spirit and he did...which totally renewed my faith in him(Jesus).. durin spirit prep prayed for Jerome for Jesus to show him he loves everyone equal as jerome tot he didn't receive anything from god as other people needed more attention than him..i refuse to make him think that way..i needed a sign and begged god to show him he's loved...so reachin the ending of ministerin i saw a group of facils just behind praying for him...then i went back to pray for him...then i lifted my hands to pray for him and i just had this sudden urge to look around and immidiately i saw all the facils behind raising up their hands at the same time to pray for him it became like wad 15 people praying for him...i was so amazed and stunned...God answered my prayer and showed him that he loved him at the same time...2 birds 1 stone 0 doubts left...all my participants in the end got the gift of tongues PTL PTL...they are goin home knowing god is with them and their lives will nvr be the same again...victory praise was a real victory...this few months p and w meant nothing but rubbish to me as i lost the feeling of genuine worship but this time i danced and sang like nvr be4 as i knew he was there...god was there...and I just had to be praised out...This ended my faith journey for the whole 3 days and sealed his love in me again...the smiles on each faces of my confirmands and some other not in my group but who were super friendly i love them all....erm...

Joel - The Cool Dude...nvr fail to make me feel contented with ur smile..and smoke break attempts
Jill - wants to be known as posh, ganged up with Denise to call me gay but nice meeting u anyway
Denise - scold me for makin her cry but she's the best participant as she really gave her all for this camp to know god
Wayne - Dunno u much but u kept tryin to know me...thanx dude..u made me realise i dun have to do anything to be a role model to people...
Marc - My Patrician brother in crime...knew every sneaky little thing he did but well its in our sps blood...Super pariticpative u were the best of all lahz...
Rachel - The killer eyes...dun kill me please...i nvr disturb u...fun lovin girl that just loves to eat who doesn't finish her every meal
Charmaine - the ho rey's friend....yeah super supportive girl to help me share a lot during sharings...superb lady..nothing to say...
Jerome - Tall Goliath who thinks he is flash in red tights...loves eating can whack most food in one bite...super joker and born leader...awesome giant
Justin - Buy one get one free...u buy jerome get justin free,..must come in pair if not dunno wad will happen...super deep thinker and hope that he find his path for god soon
Terrence - super Onz firm believer....made me realized some things cannot compromise...
Francis - the guy who amazed me by challenging my prayer...god heard it and opened his mouth and he shared beautiful things that money cannot buy...
Not last nor least...Steff - my co facil ....calls me names....tries to jack me...tries to amuse me...always abuse me....but nobody laughs and she tries too hard...god bless ur soul..hahaz..great support from u...
so yeah for all the people mentioned above LOVE U LOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS and hope to see u again when i cross over the other side of the island...

This camp i went home to AAR..(After action review) or rather known as debrief and finally realized wad i was missin...i was missin that simple feeling of just bein a noob aka newbie aka new person ...i was so caught up with bein so high up when no results was showing that i forget where i started from...where i started knowing god...why i started playin guitar for god...one word BACKTRACK...i needed to backtrack...now i am relivin my faith again...cuz i know i need to find back the innocent noob feeling of bein a person of god...no more advanced stuff if i can't get my basics right... RECHARGED RENEWED RESTORED all cuz of jesus name

AND i knew i was chosen cuz my facil tag wrote this MARY's..(my group name) Facilliator Kenji with a big CHOSEN at the bottom...it all connected the dots...i was meant to be for this camp and chosen..Chosen to change lives again...chosen to relive my faith my life again...For those out there who managed to read this post to the end,... U are awesome man..hope didn't bore u out...Well who ask me create theory...IF U DUN SHARE , ITS NOT FAIR>..so i am bein fair...how bout u?? .........

Peace out
Kenji
The REBORNED SOUL

2007-08-22T02:12:00.000+08:00

Indifference

I was reading Someone's blog recently when i came across the word Indifference: "Lack of emotion or interest." I feel that I am becoming someone with indifference now....Someone that has been cast away from everywhere and everything and I see myself becomin useless and emotionless... I feel so dead in what I do.....I used to be someone of life..someone of smiles and have a heart of Love... But now I see a Desert of death ....someone of Sadness and a Heart of Insanity.... I feel that I have nothin more to live for...not even for God...Wad i have learnt is now goin to be Wad i have learnt full stop...Not bout teachin bout wad i have learnt but bout wad i have learnt and it stays there cuz wadeva i have learnt will never reach the ears of others....

In my heart...I love God...I love Compassion..I love People who Loves me for who i am...but now...there is nothing I love...not even myself...I wonder to myself wad has happened to me or even my friends...is it that we are growing up that life has started to become more cruel and have taken its toll on us...Have we become so filled with pride more than we used to?.. I realised i have...I used to be insulted...be sniggered..be laughed at...and dun feel a single thing..but now the slightest comment about me makes my blood boil...to a point where i just want to fly away.

I have called out to God,Jesus but my prayers nvr seem to reach their ears of all the sins i bear....although it seems that God's blessings are new every morning..I feel blessed to know that i once knew him and he seems to be slipping away..the more i try to hold on to him...the further i stray...the more i tried to pray the more i got awry... How more can i keep myself in sanity?..i'm not too sure... talkin bout life values,principles,sayings,wisdom,knowledge... and comparin it to reality... I must say life's Ironic... I used to hate the word Hate...recently i have taken a liking for it...Hating Life and its jest...

Hides in my own room...slowly fading away......

Through the Dark by KT Tunstall

As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what I'm leaving behind
Pieces of puzzles
And wishes on eyelashes fail

Oh, how do I show
All the love inside my heart?
For this is all new
And I'm feeling my way through the dark

I used to talk
With honest conviction
Of how I predicted my world
I'm gonna leave it to stargazers
Tell me what your telescope says

Oh, what is in store for me now?
It's coming apart
I know that its true
Cos I'm feeling my way through the dark

Trying to find a light on somewhere
Trying to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding I'm falling
in love with the dark over here

Oh, what do I know, I don't care
Where I start
For my troubles are few
As I'm feeling my way through the dark
Through the dark
I'm feeling my way through the dark

2007-08-17T01:56:00.000+08:00

Take Me Away

Here I am Sitting in the darkness letting it sip my life away...Looking back on how close I once was to u my god....everything u are was everything i want..now i just stand beaten..smashed..squished to nearly nothing..engulfed in my own demise ..I lose hope in everything.... hold on to me my lord...i need u...

Feel that life has no more meaning....can't lie to myself to say that i dun wish to die ...die to the world...die in the physical form and receive eternal rest in hell...
Find Me Here..Speak To Me..I want to feel you...I need to hear you..You are the light...That's leading me..To the place where I find peace again(from lifehouse - everything)...I wander around daily in my mind endlessly searching for solutions..searchin for a deeper purpose but now its been crushed by a tragedy of a place without trust without hope without freedom without sympathy without feelings...A place where cruelty and rules get repeated over and over till our own destinies that were designed specially for us get taken away by mere foolish human wisdom...i want to reach out for your wisdom my god...FiLL my life again. i need u...

Friends dun mean a thing to me now...they are happy plastic people...except for certain individuals...people with a heart of gold and ornaments of strength and comfort..for those who I love so dearly in my heart..u always remain my heaven on earth...moments captured where god is alive. The world is void of feelings.....goodbye my lovers....Kenji is no more...I wun't say i am happy now....dun try to comfort or tell me that life's great cuz i just received hell on earth...recovery is not possible...die to the world christ said and take up your cross...here i come to the world then dyin to it...which means those in my heart stay there forever. The rest of u...dun even think of gettin in...Lookin for a higher alternative to living now...ironic ehz...well life's ironic...get that...the once perfect world i knew is no more as i grew up.

Take Me Away - lifehouse

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

2007-08-14T13:59:00.000+08:00

Unsaid

Not been Blogging for a while....Find it very hard to blog unless u got a feeling to...hahaz...tt's what i feel...Still looking for the right concoction for the problems of my world..which probably fall the same to the rest of the world...Problems like school,family, and esp ministry...Wad makes a perfect ministry? I can't seem to get the right people to do ministry work...facing up to incapable people but i have to live with it.

It's been hard to bear when u know putting a face to encourage people who ain't really effective. Affirmation VS Hypocrisy they say... Things always are left unsaid and Nothing Gets Done. Passing Each day with Hope Diminishing..Wonders if the love of Jesus could make me Stay...Feel The Silence of Noise..The Contradictory facts of everything.To Love To Hate To Long To wish To Hope To Understand To seek To Break Too many things boggle our minds....thinking somehow life could be a lie.. To somehow think that things aren't clear. On a distant planet...I lay down with hands cupping my ears and face down. SILENCE is all thats engulfs.Maybe we're better off this way

Unsaid

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

But suffice it to say
We're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

We're both pretty sure
Neither one can tell
We seem difficult
What we got is hard as hell

A hundred thousand words could not quite explain
So I walk you to your car And we can talk it out in the rain

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid

I can sing myself to sleep
No more

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

2007-06-23T04:28:00.000+08:00

Not Myself

Its 4.30am in the morning and i can't sleep at all...just been thinking of so much in my mind.. God what is it u want of me? i feel the emotions spinning in my body but i dunno how to react...wad is it that u want from me.....just been glad u have been here all the time with me givin me so much and makin me love people so much....

Stayin here in the darkness with only a light to guide my small eyes i turn up to god and lift this song in my heart and soul in spirit and in truth and hope that everything i feelin now makes me feel who i am for who i am

OBESSESION by David Crowder Band
What can i do with my obsession
With the things i cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And i'm so filthy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
You know i'm stubborn, Lord, and i'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And i feel lonely without hope
And i feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love for You
my heart for You
my life for You
all i have for You

U are my Obsession.....teach me God...I need u .... Madness in my being....reachin out

2007-03-22T00:50:00.003+08:00

God is Comin To ToWn

My God oh my God...u have not forsaken me and place your trust in me...God my God someone missin quite a bit for a while....u came swingin back like a wave when i was unaware...how can i thank you for the joy u implanted back in me... Given a new mission in life..to guide someone very very close to me to god...and in return let me return to where my faith was and even betta...GOD i need u....i desire u...i thirst u...u who knew me before i was born...rain down and heal the hearts of the faithful and may those who seek to be consoled be c onsoled those who seek to be understood to be understood and those who stand in utter dis-satisfaction of wad is not right to be filled with ur holy spirit and armour...to charge....

reminds me of a song frm switchfoot that has nvr left my mind...since last post....I'M ON FIRE WHEN U SPEAK...I'M on FIRE WHEN UR're NEAR...I'm ON FIRE....BURNED TO CRISP with ur spirit...GOD...i can see u jst a bit more now... BRING my EXISTENCE TO LIFE>.......guide me into someone tt u can be proud of...even as i go thru my journey i live for u...burn in me as i live further...stayin in my darkness could prob consume me soon enuff...when i was goin to fall to my human nature...god u lifted me up....

If words could explain u then i'll say nothin... stayin in my room...lookin out the window...seein no stars but just in amazin awe and jst sayin 3 words....the universe and u...courtesy of meli who passed me this amazin song...I DUN HAVE TO HIDE....

i remembered a vision i once saw....why did i lose tt vision...why did i sink so low?...prob sth betta was up...life is turnin around jst after a visit to adoration room on 19th monday in a very very very very very long time and jst chillin with u...my jesus...just 2 days and miracles happening again...back to this vision....marinated in sweet surrender...will fall on me again...it could be hope...it could be special... it could be lovely...it could be tt we are jst the same...

then struck a verse tt our lovely god personally wrote for me and you...sweet

Unexplainable JOY

"THIS IS THE ONE ABOUT WHOM IT IS WRITTEN, I will send my messenger ahead of you..who will prepare ur way before u"

Luke 7: 27

Life has not been in vain as it seems.....my way is not yet at a dead end,.....
now its 1am and yeah need to sleep now.....This Could be my last post on blogger.com so wanna make it a good one....

could not see
wad it could be
till the could would
be a should to see wad a would
would be....

came up with this in seconds for my love of my saviour

signin off with tears at the edge of my eyes gonna cry cause i can't contain the joy....fallin in sweet slumber...

Songs that Caught my Ear recently
universe and u by KT tunstall
Bold as love by John MAyer

Great recommendations as usual...

2007-02-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

Testing Out

Just change my blogskin and yeah haben been updating in like 1 month already...time flies by so fast when u really aren't lookin...one whole year has passed and things could really start to be better i guess.... well my life has been pretty in a bad shape recently...almost every aspect of my life has been heavily affected with negativity and it seems that god isn't there BUT he is... still tryin to seek out a way when things will just turn alright... i guess it starts from yourself...change the person you are postively and things will naturally turn out good...wad a lovely sentence but how hard issit to follow? very very very hard.... still strugglin with internal feelings...prob wun get out of all this baggages and negativty any time soon but i will definetely be out of it tt's for sure...

Been tryin very hard to get back to where i was...one with god...but it seems barriers of the world compels me not to... i just wanna break loose for once...release that inner demon and be free...but i know i need help...and only divine intervention can help me...so yeah GOD help me now...

"Come to ME, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest"

matthew 11:28

been thinkin of these lines all the while and i hope my prayers for a better life have been answered for those who see this drop a prayer for me in your prayers.. i need them...

i need to be more of a person that needs holy living

"Therefore as God's chosen people ,holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion,kindness ,humility,gentleness,and patience."

colossians 3:12

SO yeah i hope to be tt someone worthy of god's kingdom...change my heart o god and make me be an instrument of your will.... may i always be someone that helps reflect your character and radiates ur word..

and yeah i am still sitting on the silence of sidewalks if you dunno wad tt means come and ask me..lol

I'm ON FIRE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

SOngs That Caught my ear Recently

On Fire by Switchfoot (WOOOOOOOT~!!!!!!!!!!!)
Tisbury lane by Mae
Life is Good By Nathan HArtono

Great Recommendations AS USUaL....

2006-12-08T08:45:00.000+08:00

Back from Burdens

Not been posting for 1 and 1/2 months already...been very very very lazy to type anything..lolz... as usual a lot of things happened... i've been to many things this month or so...

i jst finished Saint Joesph Church(bukit timah) confirmation camp recently.... felt so shiok knowin new ppl and my participants...boy u were all a great bunch of Friends/participants and i wun ever forget...greatly blown by the fact that god can change people in a 3 day 2 night camp.. how he can show ppl that he is real in this these few days...

Genesis Also started Officialy...OH GOD!!! thanx for all ur blessings and i put my hand over my mouth..just standin in awe..wad u have built these few months... although not so good... but it can definetely be better.... hope that people will change their mindset when they think bout god... the best way to find out what a person is like is when u find u ask him wad he thinks of GOD when he thinks bout God...CHim RIght?? hahaz...but so true... if u think god is destructive...or unfeelin of cuz u would turn out destructive or unfeelin..its the same... so lord..jst change those all in genesis and all those that are comin in the future....

Jst did GENESIS worship team practice ytd...with new members...ooh i see potential in them and i feel so excited for them.,.. feel that they really need a touch frm god...and that i really hope that we move tgt in faith...

Been feeling High and oso down these few days....emotions running from different angles...been stretched everywhere... tryin to find that single way out..but it keeps sinkin in...GOd help me find my ways... for your tots are not my tots... for ur words are not my words and my ways are not ur ways... i need some direction...cultivate my being anyway tt's bout it for now...lolz...

Time Sweeps..
just takes u off ur feet
displayin u in my eyes..
Bathed in light....
Then Love is like a shooting star
it doesn't matter who u are
if i only run for cover
then its just a waste of time.....Awaitin ' F '

Songs that caught my ear today:
Rock n roll RazorBlade by Hanson
Into the Sun By LifeHouse

Great Recommendations as UsUaL........

2006-11-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

Lost?

harlo everyone..haven't been bloggin for at least a month plus plus...its cuz i am very lazy...i got so much to write but cannot seem to find the patience to do an entry...well wad i experienced this past month was very frutiful...yeah i went to camp david or david weekend (wadeva u wanna call it)...well i learn a lot bout growin together as a community and also a lot of how God has been initimate with me all along...when i felt he wasn't there..well feel so different after the camp...knowin that the spiritual road all the way to heaven is a long one

(Jem and me)

as u can see i lazy to add too much photos oso...so yeah hope tt i get a digi cam soon man,....so little photos in my com to begin with oso....

i oso attended the parachute band concert...wow..they were very very good...wah the main female singer sounds exactly like darlene frm hillsongs...but a bit more rough... the worship was good and it was amazin...recommended for all christ loving...

School oso started....so boring...and well trying my best to cope with my studies as i not meant to be in wadeva i am in now...so yeah god grant me the strength to carry on...

well somethings are goin for a change soon and i hope tt things will come out alright cuz i believe we all have a lot to learn in life and to journey too...well can't say much now or today or wadeva...just wanna have this entry so u all dun complain in my tag box.."update lehz"...."u think u king ahz?? update"/....haiz...bloggin needs time one ok...tt;s sth i am lackin a lot....so yeah and i jst recently cut my hair due to the constant nagging/irritation/forcing of all my so called friends....look very very very funny now ...thanks to u guys altough some ppl say i look betta but wad's the diff??? so yeah hahaz...byez

Songs that caught my ear recently:
seven letters(goodbye) by too late for apologies
Do I make u proud by Taylor Hicks

Great Recommendations as UsUaL.....

2006-09-30T02:53:00.000+08:00

Special MissioN for everyOne

i feel great...we just had a session on worship and empowerment on our regular practise cuz Bao and Nats cannot make it....and yeah god gave me an idea to do my session tt day...how long does it take to do a good session for a group of ppl looking for faith>>?? i was panicking...i didn't wad to do for my worship team on tt day... guess wad god did to me to prove tt i was wrong??

his answer was..................................INSTANT just do it

hahaz.....he gave me an idea on the spot to tell my team that they are special and we are called to this earth not to lead ordinary lives but unordinary lives..so u can say SPECIAL EXTRA UNordinary life....if we are the prince and princesses and heirs of heaven....can we really be called ORDINARY BEINGS??? ...........nahz.....god gave us a reason to be here....so know that u were born and made as a super extra unordinary being....u see

let me give u an example: animals and human beings are both warm blooded creature but the difference is we can talk we can think...
isn't tt special enough for u???

this could be us if god didn't make us special ----^

so realise that u are special and worthy....the session was good and i believe u guys my friends in christ will move in faith....and those in the worship team...u will be the best......u nvr fail to make me happy with the excellence u bring so dun deny it....

as the drehz say " IN MY LIFE..i foUnd a chapter that really shows that GOD IS so MAGNIFICENT when u see ur friends turn to him and all change for the better ..it is so satisfying that we cannot describe in words." so must use Gift of tongues...hurhur

i just went for amplify prayer meet as usual and this week was kinda cool...it was a combined meeting with the adults and youth...ppl would say YUCKS....but i say they are cool if u see them behavin in a very open manner... they are just like us just a bit more deep...heard a talk frm Fr william goh...it was damn cool..it was a talk which i did not slp thru for some weird reason...he was talking bout family life....tt all starts with the parents....if we dun show our children the way of christ,,,who can say tt they will turn out fine??.... well my family is not conducive for love but i turned out fine....well i guess i was the retarded one....so yeah GENERALLY...children will turn bad when the family is bad so yeah parents gotta stay tgt for the child to be a person of worth...

PArents need to learn wad is humility...to dun be so authoratative and full of pride...cuz i bet u...we youths dun open 1st,,unless u open ur mouth...say AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!...moral of the talk was ...parents got to GET MARRIED when ur love is founded on the love of god rather than the love of secular things...A FAMILY WHO PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER......

this kinda can't work out for me though...considering i am the only catholic at HOME....hoo hoo...GOD save me...BUT i will work for it....it may take years but i will get there..........

Youth mass is here...gonna sing for GOD man....feel it is lacking but i know it will get better in the future...and the future is Sd70.... hoo hoo....

to all my Heads OF Sd70 genesis....WAR HAS STARTED...GATHER UP UR WEAPONS cuz its a battle we must fight...not for us but for the lord...we will establish a christ centred ministry.....

Somthing i did when i was rushin to finish this post --^

ok i guess that's all for know...hope i post often cuz still hooked to the world of warcraft.....hahaz....good game....means no life....till next time

SOngs that CaugHt my EAr TOday:
HomeWArd Bound By Among The Thirsty
Freedom we Know by Hillsongs..

GreaT recommendations As UsUaL..........

2006-09-24T03:09:00.000+08:00

Cool DaYs

Haven't been posting for bout 2 weeks now/......cuz so lazy and been busy playing games and stuff.........a lot of happened this 2 weeks..and wadeva good wadeva bad its all a tribute to god cuz life has nvr been easy or diffcult... the worship team of genesis has been going good..all of us has been pushing for excellence and i really wanna thank all of u for it...no matter wad happens like no equipment...equipment suddenly go haywire...music doesn't sound right>> it all means we are doing too good if you know wad i mean....cuz wad we do off stage and on stage is worship....and worship pleases someone.. dun ask me who......i jst wanna oso thank the worship team in amplify ministries...cuz u all are just so great....i dunno wad to say when it comes to u guys cuz u all are just so good...just so imcomparable to wad u call "friends" in the real world...u dare to care and share and u just dun care not forgetting loving ppl no matter who they are...i am greatful for all the edifying and chances u have given me to improve my worship to god and my personal improvment of my being and u guys have always been my role models.... i dun think i have ever spoken bout them on this blog yet but jst to tell u...

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tt amplify WORSHIP TEAM ROX.....a dedicated number of individuals that pour their heart and soul jst for other ppl and not complaining when we face difficulties and all so forgiving...i have been in the worship team of amplify for bout 8 months now and i have grown so much in this period..8 months?? wad can it do?? it passes by so fast...well i tell u 8 months can turn ur life around spiralling downwards or upwards it all depends on u and enviroment.... just to face a madness enviroment where ppl care for each other...seldom bein unhappy bout each other is amazing...i just dunno how they do tt but tt's how i got sucked into there....hurhur...jst finished singing today in the mass tt amplify ministries has conducted and it was great,,,the music was good and i was touched...it was so moving...so yeah thanx agn guys
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Well been doing nothing much these few days....but bein bored at home agn...no one has called me to go out since the last post =( ....i dun wanna stay at home i need some activity....on wekdays...hahaz...weekends i am always out...heard a talk recently.....why must we study so hard or chase after senseless things like betta results or jobs???....hahaz....and to know tt when we are done with work there is always more work...sounds ironic but its true....we will nvr finish OUR WORK totally cuz WORK always builds up......hahaz..long story but moral of tt talk for me was dun chase after senseless materialistic stuff when God has already a plan for u..... and dun pia(push) so hard when u can do average...hahaz..anyway gonna be gone for now...hope i will update more so see u soon..............

ME nowadays at home feels like this man----------^

" finding is better than losing
sadly i have always been losing
try as i may to find my doors closing
shutting my eyes turning to choosing
dreams of could and would beens...
awaiting for my father's gifts
i await in sweet bitterness...."

Songs that caught my ear today:
I'm held by your love by Bob Fitts
The Girl from Ipanema ( some brazillian jazz song) cool music lahz
Only God for me By Gary Sadler

GREAT RecomEnDations as UsUaL.............

2006-09-11T02:12:00.000+08:00

FragMents of a Distorted Life....

harlo! haben post in a few days....well jst to say tt a lot of cool things happen let's start from fri 8 sept....cool day went for amplify prayer meet...woo hoo it was good tt night...cool worship....and yeah met someppl and kinda felt happy**...freddy gave a talk bout me and god....more like psychology lolz...hahaz he said wad ever situation i am in there's always a response tt determine an outcome....

Situation + reponse (how u react to it) = Result.... over these few days i experienced unusually all of these words....

Negative demonstration:
it started frm sat sept 9 lolz...all of gen was dotain online.....i,josh,heng,bran,james,emmanuel.....
in the middle of the game..heng was feeding,getting owned by the opp team....and oh boy did i do a wrong thing to scold him and all tt.....and yeah he left the game like a noob but wad the results was from the game was tt heng came out pissed and tt is the result for reacting negative to a situation u get a bad result

Positive deminstration:
then on the next day lolz....now i,bran,jp,james,mark ,brem and josh was playin...and yeah i dunno wad came over me this time and i felt an urge to react postive and to motivate my team which was 100% losing in the sense of skills....i chose to encourage some of them and IN THE END...Woo HOoOO..WE WON....i was actually quite shocked....but it proved to me one thing .....

SITUATION + ReactioN = is wad really makes the results

....i felt tt god was trying to tell me the msg of freddy's talk in a real experiential way...and i loved it even though i failed the 1st time when i pissed heng off... i am sorry father for reacting in a stupid way but at least u let me learn the hard way...so yeah sorry heng...and yeah on the same night of the negative demonstration- i was personally attacked by my closest kin.....tt game was more than a game i say and i will forgive cuz god told me to...scars will remain and only hope time will heal.....

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On the night of the negative demonstration, i was super angry and full of anger and the best part...my stepfather had to go get tipsy and started scolding my small bro and my mum....so stupid and unreasonable....and bein scolded for no reason from a man is a disgrace to ur integrity esp if u are scolding women and children.....sighz.....i had to go thru so much shit in one night...all the agony and pain ended shockingly a bit sweeter....hahaz...i got to talk to my mum bour her plans in the future and my plans in the future...to avoid the wrath of my stepdad's mouth..my mum slept in the guys room (my bro and i) for a while and yeah we chatted for quite long and yeah i was not always close to mt mum since birth and yeah it was a good talk tt night and made me realise tt i love my mum more now...i wasn't really close to my mum or even bothered to talk to her on casual stuff only impt stuff we will tok but now i can talk casually to my mum which i felt was so good...thanx god for all these experiences....
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slacking my life now since its the hols....and bein a potato couch i am....hey guys anybody out there tt wanna go out feel free to ask me out cuz i am so BORED....so yeah ending of here

"to whom i met with a great sigh
though the face nvr shows wads inside
i nvr know when i will embrace u by my side
but most likely it will take me forever to confide
so here i walk away with a smirk of sadness losing wad's of sight
i will be missin u always...........A*"

SOngs that caught my ear Today:
Mighty to save by hillsongs
Alpha and Omega by various artists (lolz dun ask who cuz i dunno)

Great ReCOmendations As UsUAL........

2006-09-07T03:13:00.000+08:00

Worship Team Embarkment

Had a very good/bad today.....today was my 1st worship team session for our GENESIS....those who dunno stay as u dunno those tt know keep ur mouth shut even more...lolz....well everything has been going wrong these few days to try to stop this event frm happening....

1. we could not get the room we wanted
2.we did not have the equipment we wanted
3,i wanted to photocopy at my hse today the session notes but it had to particularly had to break down today.
4. Nats got High fever
5.WE GOT SPOTTED.....hoooOOoooOo

something was clearly wrong and i could sense it .....u wait i'm tellin u..soon u will be defeated trust me...we will get ppl to praise the lord AMEN/....

but the lord shine on us and made things new man:
1. we got a different room but found out it was better
2.we got more than enough equipment
3, i found a cheap photocopy shop than my house shophouses
4.She will come next week
and
5. go away and dun disturb us those who saw us
.....
lolz...the session to me was a blast man....although we did only one song but i really loved the way u all were trying to work for excellence in praising the lord man....so yeah my greatest hopes are on all of u in the Worship team(WT)...Jon Eu...John Paul...James...Josh tan...Nats Anthony....really could feel this group is gonna be annointed as we play and sing our heart out all for u o lord...
i just feel so amazed that everything is workin out and because its so hard to reach wad we want it to be it makes everything so satisfying, so worthwhile and to surely see ppl edified at how we play for them to worship....continue man.....i love ya guys foreva and foreva.....YOUR LOVES GOES ON FOREVER....ends with a SMILE TO LAST mayb jst tml =D......

Psalms 115 verse 1
"Not unto us , O Lord , Not unto us, but unto thy Name give glory,
for thy mercy and thy Truths' sake"

Songs that caught my ear TOday:
Your Love Goes on Forever by Sonicflood
Once Again by Fusebox

Great ReComEndations as UsUaL.......................

2006-09-05T03:01:00.000+08:00

Worship Symposium

Today i attended the 2nd day of worship undivided,worship symposium 2006..i didn't write yesterday due to the early startin of the 2nd day.....wad i experienced so far is immensly great experience for all musicians especially those in a worship team...the 1st day i went for my vocal clinic ...which was very good for me as i have learnt the various techniques to warm up my vocals...and today oso learn how to stretch a bit of my range and how to find out ur original voice...but i still cannot figure out mine....darnz....well i went with josh,jon Eu, and bernard and all of them enjoyed their music clinics a lot too...i was so impressed tt everyone loved their clinics....hahaz,,,,this shows tt the cost of this workshop ($60) was worth it man...anyway they gave 2 free cds of praise and worship so yeah cheapo ones but still something ahz.....had so many boring talks for today but still input a bit of the aspect of worship like increasin creativity in worship space....

THE END WAS NOT NEAR......it came to the concert and yeah it was open to the public so yeah called JP and James down for the concert and boy were we amazed at wad we heard man.....the BAND was kinda boring and impressive for the 1st day but on the 2nd day they were EXPLOSIVES....BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! wah...Oh MY GOODNESS they were so good man.....i mean havin a 8 piece band is hard enuf...playin music damn nice with tt band is definetely impressive....i saw 8 musicians playing with discipline to stay with each other which i feel is sth lackin in the bands today..always trying to get the most attention....but this was different..u can actually hear the individual instruments playin and it was jst so amazing...and this was a worship band man....i will make them my role model for my worship team man........the music for the concert was a blast.....they played with intensity and kinda like it...jazz and all that ......my mouth couldn't stop singing in praise of the lord together with the music tt was playin in the concert cuz it was jst so amazing.....i guess all worship teams tt didn't go has quite wasted a chance for them to learn man...anyway if u ask me i might tell u all about it.....

BEST OF ALL...all the musicians WERE SO PROFESSIONAL AND HUMBLE.....they nvr once acted like "hey i so pro..u get lost..." btw they all ang moh.....they were jst so willing to teach or explain anything that we participants wanted to find out....they were so patient and not putting any airs which was so amazing its so hard to find this kind of musicians nowadays...guess they're worship team musicians tt's why so humble....all for jesus man...wish to cultivate this kind of culture in my church ....cuz its jst so amazing to see them stayin at the same level as us....no difference in status..all are equal which is hard to do unless u are really humble//.......

JST TO END with a good note:
PRAISE THE LORD IN ALL THE HIGHEST HEAVENS CUZ HE IS IMBA
(when i wish to eat curry puff to satisfy my gastric in the morning rush to the workshop...HE put a curry puff store which was illegal at the bus stop...and i got to eat my breakfast in amazement of how the lord has done things for me when i dun even do things his way sometimes!!)

SOngs that caught my ear Today:
Man in the mirror(instrumental) by Tuck Andrees
Mombasa by TOmmy Emmanuel
track 9(dunno titile of track) by Andy Timmons
All donated by jonathan Eu....but so nice the music anyway

Great Recommendations As UsUaL.......

2006-09-03T01:57:00.000+08:00

WorShiP WonderS

Today James came my hse practise for worship today man....hahaz practised until we missed MASS (oopS!!) ..hahaz....after tt went to parkway to meet genesis members for dinner then was feeling sad due to the numbers turning up for my 1st leading of mini worship i heard 4 only man....i was so sad and dissapointed and jst felt demoralised.

The Dinner was great but the numbers already spoilt my mood....but when i met them for dinner there was at least more ppl....wanna thank all for comin..u guys were my support for my journey....initially didn't decide to lead anymore and jst play DOTA but in the end kena drag to east coast for the session.....(glad i was dragged)...was still feeling very down but i decided jst follow lahz/... and in the end we came to a table and then everything started kickin in ....shaun proceeded to do prayers and ask me to start the session...Suddenly an urge to play jst came over me....it wasn't me anymore it was sth more....i then proceeded to leading my 1st song with James(thank u dreh cuz if u weren't there i will be nowhere!!) and words were spoken out of my mouth and it wasn't me..it was a kinda 3rd person view looking at myself doin wonderful worship and then shaun prayed for all people for their comin EXAMS....lolz...mine pass le a bit too late and gonna fail 2 MODULES CONFIRM....boy do i needed tt prayer earlier....and ended with a worship song and started my worship leading career....i thank u lord jesus for the wonderful 1st leading of my mini worship session..it felt so good....even though numbers were small but faith was big in the session....good start for it and i cannot express how lovely u are in ur weird way of doing things//....

Went home after tt and prob had a smile on my face le ...=) ....I just wanna say leading worship is not easy without God bein in UR HEART.....he wasn't in my heart when i led but in the end he somehow inspired and shove his way thru it today and lord I AM AMAZED....probably think i'm crazy then well jst to say it for ppl..I'm A JESUS MANIAC.....lolz.....

SOngs that caught my Ear Today:
From the inside out by hillsongs
Blessed by hillsongs

Good Recomendations As Usual..................

2006-08-31T02:23:00.000+08:00

I NEED HELP MAN!!

Freakin bored these few days...can't do anything man...i got no $$ inmy pocket not even 1 cents man...so pathetic..sitting at home rotting my life away....wanna find a job but so lazy..(can i beat myself?) i hope tt things will work out real soon be4 i go boom! A lot of things comin up but well gonna love it....WOrship Symposium 2006.....sd70 meeting...been excited bout all these stuff but feeling so void inside,.,sth is wrong....darn u idiot below...i will get u soon enuf...u jst wait.... feelin so emotionless.....bein my old self when i'm real sad and pissed comin out ....one word emotionless....dun feel like doin anything dun feel like sayin anything...jst act like a living corpse... i wanna break free out of this prison i'm in....i need u father plz come down and hold me in ur arms and nvr let me go.............anyway tt's all for today ..........

Songs that caught my ears today:
The Dolphin's Cry by live
Surround Me by Scott Stapp (ex-singer of Creed)

Great Recommendations as UsuaL.........

2006-08-28T01:30:00.000+08:00

Recent Touch of Faith

Hahaz...decided to change my blogskin due to some people complaining cannot read properly and sayin i am a copycat lolz....and yeah it looks good too..Exams ending soon and gonna be bittersweet....gonna fail some gonna pass some which is kinda bad for a poly student....how can i fail??...well everything is up to god now....hurhur...well been hard these few days tryin to keep my faith in check...have u ever have that feeling? hahaz...well i feel revived jst recently when god told me sth simple yet we fail to comprehend it....that wadeva we do for him is a passion FOR HIS NAME not ours....why do we always look at ourselves so much then supposedly suppose to leave wadeva we hanker or worry about to god to help us....well tt's wad i do but sometimes still forget to rely on him...haiz...anyway i was touched by the words he said through a song called consuming fire by Tim hughes...heard it durin amplify prayer meet...and yeah it reminded me on wadever i'm bout to do for him is not bout myself bein lazy but it's havin the passion to do it for his name....going into something good soon....wun tell it here unless u approach me for it....hahaz...well...dunno wad else to write now so yeah signing off here ppl...

Songs that caught my ear ToDaY:

Your Love is Extravagant by Darrell Evans
Broadway by Goo Goo Dolls

Great Recommendations as UsuAL...........hooooooooooo

2006-08-19T03:57:00.000+08:00

IMBALANCED GOD PROVISION SHOP

Today i saw another miracle from GOD....not miracle like i can fly tt kind but a miracle on the word of GOD.....How many of us truly believes "GOD PROVIDES"?? If you do then read towards the bottom but if you don't then continue reading.....well today i was lazing off again cuz i was jst to lazy to study for my sure to fail exams i guess...well i didn't eat breakfast,lunch and dinner cuz i got no money with me except for 35 cents (which couldn't even buy me a packet drink on my way to church.)......boy was i starvin at 6 plus..stomach growling but i took my mind of food by playin computer games throughout the day...(IT WORKS OK).....well then i met up with josh and we went to church tgt....on the way to church i was thinkin who could i borrow money from to survive at least for the rest of the day....well turned out nobody got money to lend me *bangs wall cuz of hunger*.. while walking to the bus stop after findin out no one could lend me money i..i just blurted out randomly..."aiyah GOD will provide one lahz" then i tahan all the way to church...in the bus and all that....i arrived at church around 7.50pm and..hanged around there for less than 20 seconds when my eyes was forced to pick up the sight of food...SOMETHING That I needed so badly....and well i said.."oi all these food who's one"....then my godbro Emmanuel said.."just take lahz....tony's one".....*AHEM* without further delay....i smacked the sandwhiches which were cheese and bread and curry puffs..prob ate quite a lot....then yeah emmanuel offered me a dollar to but drink cuz he knew i got no $$$....so yeah i bought a drink then i realised YEAH GOD DID PROVIDE.....free food and free drinks....

Well then went for genesis meeting then after that we went to a new place to eat called al-ameen(ALL AMEN)...great food man u guys gotta check it out...ate ikan billis nasi goreng and yeah milo and was fortunately bein treated by my dreh brother BRANDON....who gracefully sponsored me...hurhur....well gotta say these lines again..."I GOT FREE DRINKS AND FREE FOOD" and after that we took a cab back and went home......to tell u the funny part i left my house with only 35 cents and ate so much and returned home strangely with 45 cents..additional 10 cents..i think it came from the emmanuel's dollar frm buyin canned drink...oh well it just made me realised that GOD always provides and wow to me it was a miracle....and yeah with the ending 45 cents i had i could have FINALLY bought me a packet drink home....hahaz....well so be ready to get shocked when u ask GOD to really provide for u.....just wanna thank GOD and for all the food given to me to end my starvin day.....* ends entry and whispers*(*PSST* GOD i'm BROKE....shove some loose $50 u have into my pocket now so i can survive).....forgot to mention...i spoil my $100 over dollars headphones today..wad a bummer man....

Songs that Caught my ears TOday:
Free By Shawn Mcdonald
All I Need by Shawn Mcdonald

Great Recommendations as UsuaL...............

2006-08-17T02:39:00.000+08:00

I need A "HOLY HAMMER"!!

It's so freakin hard to concentrate when u wanna study.....yeah slacked off one day of my STUDY week be4 my exam days...got lemme see...4 days left and i haven't study much or anything lolz...jst hope i can make it thru...well if all else fails...eh bro....jesus..u love me rite??..then well u know..do the paper for me.....u move my hand write the answers and i will say thx...lolz..tt will nvr happen *drats*....haiz...just need a hammer to smash my laziness....so yeah really need prayers for a holy hammer to smash my face....well realised that we should be supposedly stupid like adam and eve..where there is NO EXAMS..NO QUALIFICATIONS...NO BOOKS...and STILL live day to day..how cool is that...shows how we modern humans can never be contented with wad we have hurhur....gotta give it to them man...so lucky...

SomethiNG ThaT CAughT my EAr Today:

songs: You Are GooD by LinColn Brewster
All ABouT YoU by Hillsongs United

Great Recommendations as UsuAL..muahahaz

2006-08-14T14:59:00.000+08:00

Life FRee As A BirD Or MayB Not?

Study Week is here man and i'm so freakin bored and struggling to keep myself motivated to study..yucks..i gotta catch up with my studies anyway..dreh...woke up at 10 am couldn't get back to slp so jst tot of redoin my blog after so long and yeah finally did it and well this helped my course stuff too...wishin there was more in my life than just studies gotta make life interesting man...wanna do a lot of stuff but can't seem to do it..jesus i need u now man...well jst gotta find sth to do now man hahaz...mayb i will try to study a bit more now...haiz catch ya all later..hope u like my new thing..hahaz...

Something that Caught mY ears Recently:

Song:

Open Skies By David Crowder BAnd

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, life my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now

CHORUS:
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
Let us dance, let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing

Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave his love
This is our offering
Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave His son
Here our lives we bring

From wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there
So let his people sing

And it's so wonderful to be here now
Wherever you are wherever you've been
He's been there

go check it out man...freakin cool song

JeSus Praise U for Ur Creativity in PpL

2006-05-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

An ExPeCtEd TwiSt WiTh A BrOkEn HeArT...

HavE U Got Ur FinGers BurNt By FIre??Well We did Today....me,my godbro simon,brandon and all those tt are related in a prank....i dunno wad's wrong with us..mayb we're mad but well this happened all wrong and now we seek understanding....so yeah kelly cheer up....things dun happen like this will never appear once even if u can't see in the future....

LiFe ToDaY

Slept ytd so shiok...9 hrs but not yet enuf but it felt good after going thru my hectic schedule.....woke up and realised simon ask me out for fun so i said 'yes' and well we met up with bran and kelly then had lunch at Swensen's ate baked rice and boy it taste like fried rice with cheese jst tt with more cheese cuz i added half the container of cheese into it and it's still not cheesy enuf darn can't we have cheese rise instead??....kelly left early and so we meaning simon and bran walked around the place like 3 deprived dogs sniffin out entertainment mayb life's tt way..sniffing out entertainment for the useless human mind...then we went bus interchange..and i realised we didn't go into tampines mall or century square....lolz i have nvr escape those places when i go tampines so yeah found it retarded then after tt got home lorhz be4 meeting up with dinky's mentioned above to play basketball..and i got 3 blisters like wtf lahz...tml gonna wear slipper to sch....lecturer ask why i will reply "u say Lehz?"..today is bloody dead and boring...i need more excitement on weekends...darn farkin boring....SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!